As I sit in at a conference drinking in yet another keynote, this talk is getting under my skin. The words are resonating and crawling through me as I empathize, hurt, and smile at the journey of the speaker. She shares of her own struggle and breakdown and the reset that was needed in her life. It required the need to let things go and to be intentional about subtracting, not adding things. Backed by sciences and illustrated by stories, she challenged us to remove stuff, obligations, ideas, and processes, that keep us from being fulfilled.

My last two years have been a journey in creating blank spaces in my life, subtractions of things that no longer bring joy or provide a move forward. While the speaker jokingly mentions “Don’t subtract people” – I realize this is exactly what happened and needed to happen in my life. While several were removed from my circle by a tragic death and others by circumstances, I also have made conscience decisions about removing toxic people around me.

Subtracting toxicity is very difficult because it requires a drastic change, sometimes complete disruption. And toxic people are not really okay with you releasing them; leaving a narcissistic spouse, rejecting friends who only bring drama, or not connecting with a self-destructive family member, these are moves that require a strength that sometimes we don’t have. But we may not have it, because of that and other toxic relationships!

I will continue to subtract things that distract so that when I put joyful additions back in, there will be a blank space to put them in.

———————

Blank Space

Creating a blank space
without filling it up

Not needing every moment
to be scheduled
Redefining moments
to be spontaneous

Not needing every corner
to have furniture and tchotchkes
Redefining corners
to be cluster free

Not needing every relationship
to be a “best”
Redefining relationships
to fill particular niches

Not needing every conversation
to be a resolution
Redefining conversations
to be connections

Not needing every day
to be productive
Redefining productive
to be making space

Creating a blank space
without filling it up

 

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